Book Review: Treasure in the Ashes

by with No Comment Book ReviewsReviews

Nicewander and Brookins give a thoughtful and biblical discipleship study for those who have suffered with Sexual Abuse with clear gospel hope, confidence in scripture, and interactive portions.

Summary

Sue Nicwander (ACBC, MABC) and Maria Brookins break the study into 8 sections. Starting with “Welcome to the Journey”, continuing with “What’s My Story?”, “To Trust or Not to Trust?”, “Who is God?”, “Who is Jesus?”, “Who am I?”, “Who are You?”, and ending with “Where do We go From Here?”. They also include a beefy appendix including a brief “training” on discipling those with sexual abuse. This book is filled with scripture and briefly hits every major touchpoint in working with those with sexual abuse. I think this is probably one of the most Biblical and accessible references on the topic at this time.

Score Breakdown:

Treatment of Scripture:

Nicewander and Brookins reference scripture often throughout the book. Throughout each chapter are interactive sections where the reader is to read a passage and then answer or fill in blanks based on that passage. I have never seen this before and I liked it! As a result of these sections, there is a huge amount of scripture and verses referenced. Nicewander and Brookins use scripture literally and repeatedly seek to have their instruction rooted in scripture and believe in its sufficiency and authority.

Nicewander and Brookins struggle with explanation and exposition of the passages they use. Overall, there is little depth given for the passages used. They are dropped in with little to no explanation. This is seen throughout the book and chapters in the more instruction sections where theological concepts like “Redemption” are dropped in without much explanation. There are some sections of the book with nice in-line citations of verses, and then other sections where the author is literally paraphrasing a verse or there are clear verses that could have been cited. It is very interesting. While many passages are straight forward, the baseline of little to no explanation is a bit concerning. Especially for instruction sections. The result is a verse heavy book but with a springboarding/proof text-feel because main instruction and opinions are stated without explained scriptural support.

In addition, chapter 19 “Building Healthy Relationships” is oddly malnourished in scripture with only 4 in-line references and no interactive portions at all for the whole chapter. There is no scripture that the chapter is based on and in the “levels” of relationship idea that they present they easily could have used the example of Christ (who had 100’s of disciples, 12 close disciples, and 3 very close). Some other later chapters in the second half of the book have similar malnourishment in comparison to the former half especially with in-line citations. I wonder if this is an editor issue with some of the inconsistencies throughout the book.

The struggle to explain passages is also seen in the more didactic portions where the reader is asked to answer questions based on the text. There is no explanation or context given. Because of this some of the verse choices seem a little odd (Like Zechariah 2:8). Their selections of Old Testament passages are not always my favorite. They struggle with (seemingly) directly applying promises to Israel to us as New Testament believers. Some are alright, but some are not as good. Unfortunately, with this, most of the passages they choose that are not my favorite also have a NT counterpart that would have been clearer and more avoided this issue. Perhaps it would have been better to choose less passages and give a little more explanation on them.

Biblical Goals: 

Nicewander and Brookins do a good job at the beginning and throughout the book of having the goal be like Jesus. This is very clear and I really was happy with this. Over and over again Nicewander and Brookins reinforce the goal of being like Jesus, obeying Him, and trusting Him even though life is hard. They do mention vague terms like “healing” which they don’t define.

Biblical Terminology:

Nicewander and Brookins do a good job of having Biblical terminology but never mention the heart and desires! I am not sure why, is this a Biblical Counseling Coalition thing? Perhaps they were trying to make it accessible and make sure the “leading friend” didn’t accidentally crush the “learning friend” with their sin, but it is a strange decision. Especially because the authors repeatedly point out that the reader is responsible for their sin and their reactions to things. They use terms like sin, savior, gospel, heaven, hell, judgement, obedience, faith, trust throughout the book. They do discuss “longing” vs “desires” but no “put off”, “renewing of mind”, and “put on” framework is given. Again, not sure why.

Biblical Hope: 

Throughout the book, Nicewander and Brookins present hope in the person and work of Christ. They do a great job briefly outlining God’s character, His promises, and our unity with Christ. They give hope in eternal justice and a day when suffering will be no more. They do not give hope in circumstances changing or even perceived healing, acknowledging that this is a journey and the end is not just feeling better, but being like Jesus. They give hope in specific situations and what God says about them and give hope that a person can change because they are trying to be like Jesus (Ex: struggling with fear of bad things happening to children). They do not excuse sin even throughout their intense emphasis on who an individual is in Christ and their emotional language.

Gospel Concepts:

Nicewander and Brookins wait to present and challenge the reader with the gospel for a good bit of the book. But when they do present it, they present it very clearly and multiple times throughout the book. They clearly present God’s Holiness, our sin, our need for a savior, and the need for faith and repentance. They do not assume the reader is a Christian and challenge the reader multiple times to evaluate if they are and commit their lives to Christ if they are not. They later do say the gospel is two points “I am a sinner, and Christ is the only Redeemer (p. 305).” Like many small points in this book, it’s not inaccurate but it lacks precision and is not my favorite (see caveat below).

Practicality and Helpfulness:

I think this book is very helpful and practical. It is very easy to read and despite being 350 page I read the whole thing in about 3 hours. It touches on every main scenario and struggle for those going through sexual abuse. There is constant application in clear ways. It is immensely practical and even gives “projects.” There are places where the reader is called to evaluate their own life, “longings”, behavior, thoughts and contrast them with the instruction given. There are clear frameworks given for relationships, keeping thoughts captive, and dealing with forgiveness. The examples it gives of “Rayna,” “Dylan,” and “Shanae” are good and helpful foils without being graphic or shocking (something I have seen in other books on this subject). It gives lists of resources to look at and use for various issues. There are many things which are not expanded in the book that the reader most likely will have questions on and the “leading friend” may need to further supplement (Ex: half a page given on why God is not culpable for evil and their answer is not super satisfactory and more could be said).

Discipleship Use:

This book is amazing for discipleship use. Half-workbook and designed for discussion and discipleship, this book is a great resource. With interactive sections, questions on verses, and questions for discussion this book hands you all the tools you need to walk through this issue. They even include how to be better equipped to be a “leading friend” and a guide to use this book in a group setting. Their heart was obviously to create a user-friendly discipleship resource, and this is one of the best books I have seen for this. It almost is too good, and one must remember to maybe choose one passage in each chapter to focus on, minister to the individual, and have them memorize and meditate on. This book is not a replacement for scripture (they themselves agree!).

Personal Use:

I think this book was helpful for me personally although I am not a survivor of sexual abuse. Their chapters on God’s character, identity in Christ, and relationships were thought provoking and good reminders. In many ways I think I may reference these chapters for counseling issues and create more clear lists on these topics for my counselees. While I will not probably fully re-read this book unless I am counseling for this issue, I personally was edified by reading it and am happy to revisit it when the time comes. This book is NOT intended for a personal to study on their own when struggling through these things and so I would recommend definitely reading this book with another person if you are a survivor of sexual abuse. It will much better enhance your journey and facilitate growth.

Caveat: 

Overall, I think this book is a great resource, but along with struggles in their explanations of scripture, they also struggle with precision overall throughout the book.  This is seen in a few different ways. Their definitions of many things are not defined theologically but instead are framed emotionally (Ex: “Jesus redeems our darkness, and in its place gives life and light to our souls” pg. 124). They make a lot of appeals to emotions which is not my favorite. There are a few definitions of theological concepts given with definitions from Merriam Webster instead of the Bible (Ex: “Jesus is merciful, we need rescue and relief…Mercy is defined as compassion for those in distress” pg. 118-119). Shame and other concepts are not defined Biblically but are just stated (Ex: sin-shame vs provoked-shame on page 136). This makes an odd tension.  I understand trying to be accessible, but these concepts have Biblical and Theological definitions what are precise. It is odd they do not at least use them alongside Merriam Webster or flesh them out more. Their chapter on who Jesus is unfortunately hold many of these struggles and is my least favorite chapter in the book.

Book Review: Becoming Elizabeth Elliot

by with No Comment Book ReviewsReviews

Convicting and inspiring, Elizabeth Elliot is a personal role model and this book cements that fact.

Synopsis:

To come.

Personal Thoughts:

For quite a while I have admired Elizabeth Elliot for her well-known work among the Waodoni and appreciated the few books of hers that I had read (Let Me Be a Woman and The Path of Loneliness).  I greatly enjoyed this biography and getting to know her more and seeing how God made her the woman he wanted her to be. I look forward to reading the second book on Being Elizabeth Elliot which discusses the latter half of her life.

Practicality and Discipleship Use:

I would highly recommend Becoming Elizabeth Elliot to anyone as an engaging, challenging, and inspiring account of a normal woman who lived a disciplined and obedient life to Christ. I think it would be especially encouraging to young women as Elizabeth Elliot is a unique individual in the modern church who young women can look up to.

Caveats:

It is important to understand that Elizabeth Elliot grew up strongly in the Keswick and Plymouth Brethren world of teaching and theology. This influences some of her ideas of sanctification and finding God’s will. She does have good beliefs on complementarianism but did become associated with Bill Gothard who takes the scope of male headship past what the scriptures lay out. She was Episcopal a denomination with many forays into liberal theology, and she also believed in eternal functional subordination which is not an orthodox belief.

Favorite Quotes:

“For Elizabeth, the central question was not, “How does this make me feel?” but simply, “Is this true?” If so, then the next question was, “What do I need to do about it to obey God?”” – p. 48

 

“Unless the Lord has definitely called a person for the mission field, we should be prepared to meet the world on its own grounds.” – p. 111

 

“Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts. It is easier to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence, than to wait patiently.”  – p. 185

Book Review: I’m Glad My Mom Died

by with No Comment Book Reviews

An engaging yet heartbreaking account of a young woman’s worship of her mother throughout childhood, acting career, and eating disorders.

Synopsis:

I’m Glad My Mom Died  was well-written and often humorous but incredibly saddening. Jennette begins with her earliest memories which involve the love and adoration of her mother and moves through her childhood recounting her mother’s control and manipulation over her life. Jennette embarks on the journey of becoming an actor at the age of 6 to fulfill her mother’s dreams. She is put under an incredible amount of pressure to be perfect in her appearance, behavior, and a variety of skills to bring her family out of debt. She quickly learned to not state her feelings or opinions and instead lie to agree with her mother’s desires. With her mother’s guidance, she learned to cry on demand by thinking of horrendous what if’s, restrict her calories to prevent puberty (to the point of anorexia), and act roles that no child should act (such as a rape victim or murderer). Her life was dominated by the worship of her mother and fear of her mother’s outbursts.

As she got older, her mother still continued to keep a tight grip on her life as they were “best friends.” Jennette had little say in what she was doing with her life, time, and body even into her twenties. Her mother’s cancer returns and she eventually dies. Then Jennette has to figure out life without her mother. While she is free of her mother’s control, she spirals into alcohol abuse, bulimia, partying, and numbness as she seeks to live out her mother’s standards. Jennette recounts this saddening spiral but is forced by her boyfriend to see a therapist. Progress is made, but the therapist implies that her mother was wrong and she falls apart. Eventually, she makes major headway after a change in acting roles, living situation, and breaking up with her now-stoner boyfriend. The book ends with Jennette finally stopping acting (something she had wanted for years), coming to grips with her mother’s harmful habits, and moving on to a writing career (something she had wanted for a long time) while still continuing to struggle with bulimia, OCD, and anxiety.

Belief Systems:

Jennette was loosely raised in the Church of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS) but the overall tone of the book is one without morality or God. Interestingly she recognizes that her family went to church because they wanted something from God (ie. the health of her mother). She also thought the Holy Spirit spoke to her to do repetitive OCD behaviors. Her LDS background most likely also increased her perfectionistic tendencies as a work and success-based religion.

Content Warnings:

There are descriptions of her eating disorder (frequent, graphic), descriptions of sexual behavior (brief, explicit, non-emotional), descriptions of alcohol abuse (descriptive, matter of fact), abuse not described in detail (emotional manipulation, forceful body exams by mother), and cursing (infrequent f-words, s-words, and b-words).

This book should not be read by a teen and should be read with caution as an adult. This book is an interesting look into the world’s perspective on manipulation, emotional abuse, parenting, and eating disorders. It’s not a book for entertainment or edification.

Biblical Perspective:

I’m Glad My Mom Died  overviews the life of a young woman whose mother seeks (and succeeds) to be her god. One of my MABC classes described that an abuser is one who seeks to reverse Romans 11:36 so that from them, through them, and to them is all things (self-worship). This is what Jennette’s mother sought. Understandably, Jennette holds onto this reality from a young age and seeks her mother’s approval in all things. Her mother’s wishes are law, right, and wrong. When she follows them, she is rewarded with affection and love. Breaking these results in shame and guilt as if she sinned. Her only salvation is being perfect or appeasing her mother through her own actions. This drives her to be perfectionistic, desirous of control, anxious, overly analytical, and fearful of man. The standards her mother had impressed upon her became her conscience.

She worshipped and feared her mother in every way. When her mother died she no longer had her god, salvation, moral standard, and purpose. This is tragic. No wonder she spiraled the way she did. Her god was gone and part of her felt like it was her fault (every year on her birthday she wished that her mother would live). She took to bulimia to cope with the shame of her real and perceived sin and gain control over her life. She abused alcohol to numb her conscience and emotions. I am truly glad that Jennette is growing less self-destructive with her eating habits, but my heart hurts for the shame that she carries that can only be cleansed by Christ’s blood. Her solutions have not changed her heart and her desire for control and to be rid of shame still drives her life. She needs the gospel. Perhaps one day, Jennette will come to know Christ as a result of her mother’s death and journey to change.

Personal Thoughts:

This book was completely engrossing but incredibly hard to read. My heart hurt for her often and I was incredibly saddened by the control her mother exerted over her. It reminded me of some of the manipulated behavior that I have experienced (minor in comparison) and some friends who have rough parental situations. This sounds very similar to what they have experienced with their parents (some who claim to be believers!). I want to make sure that I do not manipulate my children or others in such a way. I cannot and do not have the authority to exert dominance and control over their life. God is the standard and he is in control. My job is to teach them his ways and trust him. This book also reminded me of the importance of having a biblical perspective of our bodies and of food. This is something our children will learn from us. All food is clean (Mark 7:19) and should not be viewed through a moral lens. Our bodies are good and are blessings from God (1 Cor 6:19-20, 1 Tim 4:4). Our heart is what can make eating sinful, not the food or our body (Mark 7:15).