Ed Welch gives a brief look into how to have meaningful and godly Christian relationships. With a few caveats, this is a practical and short resource to brush up on basic relational skills.
Ed Welch gives a brief look into how to have meaningful and godly Christian relationships. With a few caveats, this is a practical and short resource to brush up on basic relational skills.
Summary
Ed Welch breaks Side by Side into two sections: “We are Needy” and “We are Needed.” “We are Needy” shows how our neediness present in every aspect of our life and should point us to God. He discusses in brief our areas of neediness, our heart, sin, and how to ask God for help. In “We are Needed” discusses why Christians can help each other, ways on how to build relationships, and responses to have in situations of difficulty and sin in other’s lives. He quickly covers many different topics in an overview format. He has thought provoking questions and examples along with concrete ways to apply. I personally would have liked to see more scripture referenced throughout the book and would have liked him to explore some of his ideas more in depth.
Score Breakdown:
Treatment of Scripture:
Welch references scripture often throughout the book and does not take it out of context. He often cites scripture and in addition quotes and briefly expands on larger sections of scripture to show his point. He interprets scripture consistently and accurately and does not undermine scripture’s authority. I personally would have liked to see even more citations of scripture throughout the book, particularly in the later half. The second section is good and applicable information, but scripture is cited less in some chapters. The “Have Thoughtful Conversations” chapter has one verse referenced and “Walk Together, Tell Stories” has none. These chapters are more practical, but I would still think some of these could have some verse applicable. “Have Compassion During Trouble” has three references to scripture but many allusions to concepts and verses that would have benefitted from a verse reference for further study.
Biblical Goals:
Welch did not clearly lay out goals for relationships in a clear sense, but his book built on the premise that a “healthy community is dependent on all of us being both [ones who need help and give help]” (p. 11). In the introduction he lays out that we were meant to be dependent and should be dependent on one another and that those who help best are normal people mirroring God. He does not provide scripture for these thoughts which is interesting. A brief mention of 1 Cor 12:12-27 would have served him well here. A body must depend on each piece that makes it up and if it is missing a limb it impairs function. Which is pretty much his point (but he doesn’t say it clearly). Throughout the book Welch does have biblical goals mentioned such as being like God, fighting our sin, spiritual disciplines such as prayer and accountability he could have been even more clear in labeling them biblically and fleshing them out.
Biblical Terminology:
Welch does a good job of using biblical terminology throughout the book. There are a few uses of words such as “victimization” and “bringing order” that were not my favorite, but these were outliers. In his chapter on the heart, he talks about “good” and “bad” instead of “righteousness” and “sin.” But then the next chapter he goes full into a discussion of sin in our hearts. I thought this was an interesting decision and I’m not sure he clearly states that perceived goodness in someone’s life, while a reflection God’s common grace, may not honor God. While he discusses these terms, he quickly moves on and does not make sure that the reader has a firm definition. I think it is assumed that the reader has general scripture knowledge and general orthodoxy. There are a few things he mentions about the body and spiritual warfare that I am not sure of.
Biblical Hope:
Welch did a good job of having biblical hope, even refuting the therapeutic gospel leanings (or claims) that Christians easily can have when helping and praying for others. He clearly puts hope in the person and work of Jesus Christ. In his prayer chapters he repeatedly has turning to God as the solution and gives concise and clear instructions on how to make sure that prayers address both physical and spiritual needs (by adding in promises of God or applicable verse concepts). Readers will most likely need more information on how to pray scripture and how to lament.
Gospel Concepts:
Welch does discuss gospel concepts but does not have a clear presentation of the gospel. Throughout the whole book, it is assumed that the reader is a believer. Interestingly, maybe in his pursuit of brevity, did not include a beginning chapter on how these things are only possible if we actually know the love of Christ in our lives. He assumes the believers is spirit-led and abiding in Christ, which is a big assumption if this is targeted toward the average church attendee. I would have liked a chapter on making sure you are walking in the spirit when having these conversations.
Practicality and Helpfulness:
Welch’s book is very practical with it being more or less wholly dedicated on how to actually foster a connection with someone. It is comprehensive for its brevity and covers a lot of ground on how to deal with many particular situations in one’s own life and in the lives of others. He gives many concrete examples and ideas on how to implement his ideas, and it is very easy to remember them and use them. Because it is brief it will not cover everything, but it is a great start. I personally would have appreciated more depth and explanation, but I do not think I am his “target audience” for this book.
Discipleship Use:
Side by Side is clear, not long, and presents a lot of material that would be good for discussion. Each chapter are about 6 pages long and at the end of each chapter there are two questions for personal evaluation and discussion. It would be very easy to use this in a group or counseling setting. BUT there is a caveat, because of Welch’s tendency to assume understanding and a few quirks in his beliefs on the body and spiritual warfare (see below), I think it would be important that the group leader has a good grasp of theological and biblical counseling concepts. The leader would be able to fill in some of the implied gaps in Welch’s reasoning. It also would be good for the other group members to be fairly grounded as well. Not because Welch is very badly wrong, but because he opens up doors to ideas that less discerning believers (or believers wishing to stay in their sin) could fall into that would not be helpful.
Personal Use:
I will keep this book and reference it periodically as it is a great reminder of conversation and prayer basics. I think this book would be good for many Christians to read on an individual level and it is very accessible and easy to read. I do think that there is a slight caution on his view of the body which may not be helpful for a less theological believer. Because of that caveat that I am not sure of myself, I am not sure I can easily recommend it. I would recommend it to more discerning individuals. The issue is that for more discerning individuals this book will probably feel like common sense and basic information.
Caveat #1:
In the chapter 1, chapter 2 and chapter 3, Welch briefly drops a few strong statements that make me wary and slips into some more psychiatric terminology. He is not wrong that are body is a circumstance that affect us, but he walks the line very close and I am not comfortable with some of these statements. He comes very close to implying that our bodies can make us sin or that the Holy Spirit cannot help us with “psychiatric” issues or disordered emotions. Thankfully he does point to turning to God and needing spiritual encouragement during this time.
Chapter 1 “Life is Hard” (p. 19): “The body, including the brain, contributes to psychiatric diagnoses. If you are experiencing mania, certain features of depression, or attention deficits–this list can be long–there might be elusive yet physical problems coming at you.”
Chapter 2: “Our Hearts are Busy” (p. 26): “We could say that emotions usually reflect what is happening in our hearts. Occasionally, since emotions are given shape by our bodies, emotions can be unpredictable assaults that come from disordered bodies and unruly brains…But depression could also say, “Something is not right in my body or brain”…Sometimes depression is simply physical suffering. It says, “I feel as though I am numb inside.””
Caveat #2:
In his discussions on spiritual warfare, he mentions that Satan and spiritual beings can influence us to think things like “Does God really care? ” (p. 33). I am not sure this statement is helpful because cannot our flesh and sinful hearts whisper the same? Also attributing these things to Satan himself is interesting. He is not an omnipresent being and most likely is not coming down to most individual believers to tempt them personally. It seems better to acknowledge that our flesh and hearts doubt and need renewal and spiritual warfare preys on these vulnerabilities and seeks to bring these doubts to the surface. This feels like a reader could easily say that they are not responsible for these thoughts or cannot do anything about them because “they’re from Satan.” Even though this is not what Welch is implying. Other thoughts he has on this issue are helpful though.
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